When I say nothing at all....

It is quite suffering when the words come to the lips, but you swallowed it. I just don’t want to feel this at all, my final exam is coming, yet I am spending and wasting my precious study time to write these craps here. THESE ARE NOT CRAPS THOUGH. I keep persuades myself to be freed from all of these freaky minds, yet the HAPPENINGS, CHANGING, and the TRANSFORMING of everything around, make me bend my knee down to the REALITY. Sometimes, I rather pretend that I was seeing illusions of what happens on the surrounding, but, it is something changed, indeed. TEDIOUS THINGS, but it means a lot to me. I am trying hard to throw up every single piece of dissatisfaction, every single word of my disappointment to you, I am trying hard to approach to your real heart every time, but finally, I chose to locked myself out of your heart. I RATHER STAY UP AND LOOKING AT YOU SMILING HERESTICALLY in your group and I just like an outsider, banging into your world. And I, forever and ever, am an OUTSIDER. Something is transforming. Maybe you will just feel, and misunderstand me about the tantrums I thrown, faces I shown, and the harsh words that I used, but, YOU WILL NEVER EXPOSE OUT THE REAL SIDE OF ME. I just want to find a SOMEONE who can really understand the happy and joyful-looking girl, but actually, hidden all her sorrows and her tears in a narrow and cold chamber. I am smiling with my bare eyes, but behind of it, there is a pool of tears and sighs. Who is able to give a simple hug or just few sentences of consolation to me when I was really down UNDER the Earth until I am escaping from facing the loneliness and realities? Who is going to stay by my side when I need a warm and broad shoulder for filling my tears up? No reason. No signal. These are all my camouflages. One day, I should release myself with them. Because they are just too BULKY for me.

P.S.: It’s quite moody and cloudy today, the weather is permitting me to write so…