A not FUnnY and InterEStiNg pranK. I m laUghiNg as WelL aS CryiNg.

I keep telling myself, "IT'S ALRIGHT." I don't want to spare myself to think so much about it. It's not a big deal. It's just a prank. Not meant to hurt me, but indeed, I was drowned in the feeling o being hurt and injured badly. Maybe it was a minor thing for anyone else, but it's just like a bitter pill for me to swallow. Tears are bursting, rushing and still, I was controlling myself so hard for not letting them down in front of others. It was not so easily for preventing tears coming out, controlling hard for keeping smiles in front of others, I leave these for myself. All I need is just a space for me to hve a big head of cries, let my tears flowing uncontrollably and without any control. I need it. I don't want to succumb myself to be so strong, to be so tough for others, sometimes, especially when I am sad, I will leave me to myself. JUST LET OFF, HAVE A BIG CRY, AND AFTER THAT, PUT ALL THE SUCKS THINGS BEHIND. I used to camouflage myself with STRONG and TOUGH image, but indeed, I am fragile. Countless times for me, hidingin the toilet or under my blanket, crying all myself out in the silence. I never shared out what has happened to me, I just need some silence. A silence for me where I can cry myself out. IT'S ALRIGHT. IT'S ALRIGHT. Don't mind about that. Just some simple words that sounds like pranks, but I WAS SUFFERING FOR THE WHOLE NIGHT. Nobody knows about this. And by today, just a snick moment, THEY ARE MENTIONING IT, SPRAYING SALT ON THEWOUND AGAIN. This time, I stayed to be strong in fron of the others. I was defeated by it in the library. Shutting up the door of the toilet, you can't imagine how badly I cried my heart out in the small closet. Covering my mouth up, I don't even dare to make a single sound. What was being felt for me when I tasted all the salty and bitter tears? The answer is, the STUPIDITY OF ME. I don't like the pranks that have been made on me, but why I need to suffer hard for tolerating them? Why I was ill-treating myself by faking smiles on them? I AM FEELING BAD!! Who can hear the silence scream deep within me? Behaves like feeling nothing, and hiding behind the people, and crying FUCKING badly in the closet, this is how I treat myself? All SUCKS! Because they are my friends, because they don't know they had hurt me as well, because, I don't want to uninstall my camouflage. I am strong, but who knows what is hiding behind it? I am happy, I am over the joy, I am the one making people around me to be happy, to laugh their hearts out, BUT, do I really laughing my heart out? Do I really so happy just like what has been presented? Do anybody really care that what I need? Tired. Really tired. I am being myself, but, the fact is, I NEED CARES TOO!! Spare a thought on my feelings next time when you want to play such pranks on me. Maybe you will feel nothing on it, but, please consider my terribility after that. I don't like the walls of toilets' closets, and the taste of my tears. They don't feel good at all. You are obtaining all kinds of happiness, but I am leaving the injured soul to myself.